Weblog

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Friday, 23 May 2008

  • I FORGOT WHAT TODAY WAS

    Why do we have to dry raincoats?

    Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved can it?

    Sooner or later doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

    Why do we call it a hamburger when it is made from beef?

    Why do we have to dry raincoats?

    If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

    How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

  • Thoughtssssssssss????????/

    Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes?

    Why does belly button lint not match your shirt color?

    If you try to fail and succeed which have you done?

    Why do old men wear their pants higher than young men do?

    If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

    Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread.

    How come Superman can stop bullets with his chest but he always ducks when someone throws a gun at him?

Monday, 12 May 2008

  • Diet FAQ

     Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

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    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

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    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

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    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

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    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

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    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
    the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

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    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!